The Casting Chit Chat July 2024

One of the most frequent topics of conversation when you date someone new is how you ended up being single or are still single.  Of course, it’s important to know these things but, on a first date, it’s far better to avoid the subject.  

Talking about an ex can go two ways.  If you’re positive, it could be read that you’re ‘not over him/her’ and won’t be able to move on.  Being negative about someone can also backfire as they interpret one side of the story.  

This conversation is only relevant if you feel a spark.  

Most importantly, no one wants to hear the details of something that’s failed, whether it’s your fault or not!

One of the easiest ways to dilute an intense interview-type situation is to avoid sitting opposite your date.  Choosing an activity – a stroll in the park, or a gallery visit, allows time to get to know someone without the intensity of checking each other out face to face.  Why not try it?

Have you noticed I’ve managed to avoid all mention of politics so far on The Casting Chit Chats?  😁 I’m not going down that route now either!

However, I had two daughters getting married eight weeks apart this summer.  The last one took advantage of the first one’s wedding flowers by recycling!  We carefully dried them and despite my reservations, they looked magnificent.

It’s not for everyone but does highlight an area that increasingly shows how some people want to live their lives more sustainably whilst others really don’t have the instincts to change behaviours.

We ask on our questionnaire about politics and we are increasingly having people decline introductions if mindsets don’t align on lifestyle choices including green issues and some level of politics.

As an example, could you live with someone who doesn’t recycle?

During Covid, I had a few people let me know that they had no intention of getting vaccinated.  At the time, I did consider if it was something I should mention but tried to make introductions with people who I felt may have had similar thoughts.  With hindsight, perhaps you’ve altered your thoughts on this now anyway?

Are you at risk of missing out?  One thing for sure is how we have all become far pickier when it comes to dating now we’re on our phones.  We have people who go off on their first date, then some who have been with us for a longer time frame.  Keep open!

How long have you been out of a relationship?  Are you looking for the impossible?  You’re never going to commit to dating someone unsuitable but there comes a point when the longer you’ve been single, the less likely it is that you’ll give anyone the opportunity to impress you.  We see how different it is for men and women.  As a woman, if you’ve been single for years, that could be that few choices have appeared but for a man who has been single for years, given the odds in our industry, it’s time to reappraise! Unrealistic expectations can easily be an issue.  Think about what’s important.  One of the most commonly used words when asked about criteria in a potential partner is kindness, with a sense of humour following closely but also similar values (see above about recycling).  Realistically, there are two lives merging and everyone has some kind of compromise to make.  Life would be incredibly boring if you agreed on absolutely everything!  The differences between you and a potential partner are what can lead to greater self-discovery and growth.

Give people time – don’t turn down a second date if you’re date isn’t an instant hit.  People can be nervous, no matter how successful they are or how confident they seem.  Give everyone your best shot – it’s about genuinely finding out what kind of person they are and that’s only ascertained with time and that means a couple of dates at least.  So many comments from dates say they really liked someone but didn’t think they were the one… give it time to be sure.

Are you so certain of ‘your type’?   If you’ve had relationships, whether they were good or bad, with a common theme?  Do you perhaps go for the chase rather than the ones who might be interested in you?  There is no such thing as too nice.  Yes, boring isn’t good but stability is a wonderful trait.

Are you afraid of love?  If you have ever been hurt in your relationship, and who hasn’t, it could be a fear of commitment that’s preventing you from moving onwards.  Intimacy can also create barriers especially as we get older.  Get help.  We have some great pointers to experts in all areas to help you date successfully.

‘Awaken Your Vibrant Sexuality’ Workshop London, August 1st

This workshop is for women who’d like to reconnect with their sexual nature in a gentle, embodied way. You’ll be guided by Sophie Benge and Ludmilla Livdharam, two women steeped in the practice of connecting our innate feminine nature to boost happiness and self-esteem.

Sophie and Ludmilla share their knowledge of the intricacies of our anatomy along with soft hormonal yoga, fertility and womb-guided meditation practices to cultivate a deeper state of inner awareness. They believe passionately that activating these energies can open a gateway to a more meaningful life of flow, where we magnetise our lives to align with our feminine desires.

The Life Centre, London, W8: Awaken Your Vibrant Sexuality
August 3rd, 4 – 6.30 pm – £40