Ah, love. That grand, dizzying, often exasperating force that has launched a thousand ships, written a million songs, and, let’s be honest, caused an untold number of people to Google “Why did they ghost me?” at 2 a.m. But what is it about attraction and relationships that keeps us captivated, even when Cupid’s aim seems, well…questionable?

Today, we’ll take a closer (and slightly cheeky) look at the science of attraction and what makes us swoon, stammer, and swipe right.

1. The Halo Effect: Why We’re All a Little Superficial

We’ve all heard it said: “Beauty is only skin deep.” Well, try telling that to your brain! The Halo Effect is a psychological phenomenon where we unconsciously attribute positive qualities—intelligence, kindness, wit—to people we find physically attractive. Think of it as your brain’s way of putting the good-looking on a bit of a pedestal. (Who wouldn’t want a fast pass to sainthood for having a nice jawline?)

But here’s the twist: as much as our brains are programmed to go “Ooo!” when we see something aesthetically pleasing, that attraction isn’t always lasting. Research shows that the Halo Effect can weaken as we get to know someone, and the scales fall from our eyes. Beauty may catch our eye, but it’s depth that holds it.

2. Birds of a Feather vs. Opposites Attract: Can’t We Just Settle This Already?

One of the longest-standing debates in relationship science is whether we’re attracted to people who are similar to us or those who seem to be our polar opposites. The answer? Both—and it depends. (Yes, classic psychology dodge!)

The “Similarity Attraction Effect” tells us that we tend to feel comfortable around those who share our interests, values, and Netflix-binging habits. But studies also show that people are drawn to others who complement their personality. The big difference is in how we want these people in our lives: while similarity breeds a quick bond, complementary personalities help sustain it. Imagine the balance of introvert and extrovert—a relationship where one partner keeps the calendar full, and the other keeps the Netflix queue loaded.

3. Attachment Theory: Why We All Bring a Little Baggage

Attachment theory is like the Sherlock Holmes of relationship psychology: it digs deep to uncover clues from our earliest relationships with caregivers to explain why we get needy, aloof, or clingy in love. Psychologists usually divide attachment styles into three types: secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Those with secure attachment are the lucky unicorns of the dating world, forming trusting, stable relationships. Anxiously attached folks? They might text “Are you mad at me?” if they don’t get a reply within 10 minutes. Avoidant types, meanwhile, might be more likely to say, “I’ll catch you later!”—for the next three weeks. The takeaway? Understanding our attachment style can help us recognise our own dating quirks and avoid falling into patterns that don’t serve us (or our unsuspecting partners).

4. The Role of Chemistry: Is it Love, or Just Dopamine?

When we’re in the throes of attraction, our brains are essentially throwing a biochemical party. Dopamine, a “feel-good” neurotransmitter, goes wild when we’re attracted to someone, making us feel euphoric and incredibly focused on that person. And let’s not forget oxytocin—the “cuddle hormone”—which kicks in during physical touch, bonding us even more to our newfound crush.

Of course, while chemistry gives us butterflies, it can sometimes fool us into thinking we’re in love when, really, our brains are just in party mode. It’s an intense feeling, but one that’s better understood as part of attraction’s heady, early stages rather than a long-term love indicator. As the euphoria fades (and inevitably it does), deeper factors—like shared values and emotional compatibility—take centre stage.

5. Why Humour is the Ultimate Aphrodisiac

If chemistry and good looks are the spark, humour is often the glue that keeps people together. Research consistently finds that a sense of humour is one of the top qualities people look for in a partner. Not only does humour help diffuse tension and promote intimacy, it also lets us view each other with a little more forgiveness.

There’s a scientific reason we say, “They make me laugh!” Laughter releases endorphins, making us feel happy and more connected to those around us. So, if someone can make you laugh in a way that makes your cheeks hurt, they might just be worth keeping around.

Final Thoughts: Love May Be Complicated, but We’re All In It Together

Understanding the science of attraction doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, but it does help us laugh at our own tangled, messy love lives. And maybe that’s the point. As much as we try to demystify the science of relationships, there’s always something unpredictable and wonderfully baffling about them.

So, here’s to love, in all its maddening, exhilarating, dopamine-fuelled glory. And to the fact that, sometimes, the most scientific explanation is simply…magic.